Dear Miriam, 
When he looked at me, I felt we had known each other forever.
When our eyes met, it was like we were one person.
It was a miracle!
April, 21

Dear April,

Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal. We just know it will last forever. We believe that through this magic, we are exempt from the problems that other people have. We are definitely free from the odds that our love will eventually die. We know that we are destined to live happily ever after. But when that magic recedes… with our finest and most loving intentions, the romantic stage of love is destined to end. And then, to continue on the path of love, we need to find a personal meaning in our relationship, as well as the ability to appreciate our significant other for what he is (without a demand for him to change). To continue on the path of love, we need to know who we are. We have to figure this out, because we are limited in our understanding of other people by what we know and accept about ourselves. To continue on the path of love, eventually we must confront two other essential life questions: Where am I going, and with whom?

We need to do this because when our personal goals are blocked or we are focused only on the “with whom” (the right partner syndrome), we become attracted and infatuated, but easily detached. Dag Hammarskjold, past Secretary General of the United Nations, was referring to “real love” when he said, “It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.” Coincidentally, the new field of psychoneurosexuality – defined as the study of the relationship among brain, mind, immune system, and the sexual system – asserts that a loving, monogamous, sexual relationship is the ultimate foundation for health and well-being. It allows a healing connection to our self, another person, the present moment, and a sensual awareness of our body as well as the body of another. This enhances intimate bonding, which is a biologically and genetically necessary prerequisite for human health.

Haven’t we known this all along – that to love and be loved brings a special meaning to our lives? Now, this new sophisticated science confirms the biological power of shared meaning; it shows us that our love life may court health or disease, that the power of a loving connection heals our lives and our bodies. Sometimes, it is difficult to remember, but it remains true that miracles of love can occur anywhere, at any moment. When someone shows that they care, when years of indifference or resentment disappear in a simple act of compassionate understanding, when we are changed by a simple act of love – these are miracles. The very next time you need a miracle, don’t wait for it to happen. Expect it to happen! You have the power to create it – in love!

Love,
Miriam